walking in the dark

i was having a very hard time these past few days. yesterday, i was here in the office. to simply have something productive to do. which i doubt i did not. i just spent the whole day surfing the net and looking outside the office for a beautiful beach view and then end up not finishing the minutes of the meeting, that i should finish..

i’m here again confused. i’m thinking about HIM lately and the fact that i’m not getting frequent text messages from HIM triggered that. i have believed that i could be able to forget HIM. i have let myself fall in love. many times. believed that it was right, but damn! i just can’t fool myself into believing that it’s the right thing to do..

how can i forget what the fortune teller told me? “you were born for each other.” i have believed that. until now i still do.

i have been a mess and now i’m trying to correct it though i know i will hurt someone so innocent. my heart still shouts out for HIM. God it was ages ago. i thought i have moved on. but joey, wake up! you can’t fool yourself..

is it right? to wait around for someone whom you doesn’t even know if he’s thinking about you even just for a single second a day?

but then, i can’t say it’s wrong..

i already have a cold heart. heartaches made it colder..

i know when people would find about it, the first question they will ask would be, “WHAT?”

i’ll answer them with a big laugh, “HAHAHA!” even i myself couldn’t believe this. couldn’t believe it.

is it true? i myself don’t even know..

i was able to stop and think these past few days. i was trying to set things right.. i found another HIM.. i may not be so sure, but i want to take this risk.. i know now, i don’t need to expect much: if things will happen they will..

looking back, the roads i have been may be so dark, but with HIM, i came to see a new light..

i can’t hate myself can i? seriously, i’m living a wasted life. it’s all tangled up and it’s really the worst..

but then i can’t bring myself to cry anymore. when was the last time i did? can’t remember anymore. i’m not feeling rebellious over losing something i have ever wanted, 9 months and 10 days ago. what’s happening now is surely beyond my control..

i’m guilty.i’m guilty of falling in love at the wrong time and with the wrong person. but who am i to blame? myself, for falling? myself, for not thinking well? myself, for just being so impulsive?

i could find a lot of reasons. but still in the end, i don’t think falling in love is wrong..

over-powered by my own emotions again..

i know i have to get back..

no one will dare to find me..

crap!

is he really there to catch me? i hope..

damn! here i am again..

do i still have my brain? i did something on impulse again. hope it’ll turn out to be something so beautiful..