walking in the dark

i have to admit it was not love at first - i more of trust you, thinking that you’re different.  falling in love came after.

i also admit i’ve been unreasonable on the later part of our relationship. been demanding. been historical (recalling all your shortcomings when we fight). been someone i also hate. it was somehow a result of my own depression. i feel like imprisoned at home..

what happend also made me realize a lot of things. that sorry does not always work. sorry could not make things okay. that forgetting about pride is not even enough. i’ve hurt you. but please also know that it hurts me more..

i’ve been through worst relationships. worst break-ups. but this was the worst of all the worst. i have to know that, TOO much of something is really not good. i have trusted you too much. i have expected from you too much. i have loved you too much..

i wanted to die that day. to simply escape everything, but i have thought, maybe there’s still a chance that i could fix everything. i saw a little hope. i forgot about my pride. i begged and pleaded, and everytime you would turn me down a part of me would die. it’s even worst than actually dying. but i have forgotten about the word enough. i still hoped and hold on..

until that day. a simple “it’s true” was enough to ruin everything i’ve been holding on to. i could not believe it. much so when you said i’ve let go of you first. it’s not true. you were my everything.

i know. i’ve been living in denial. kept lying to myself that when this day comes i’d be okay. but hell. it was not even comparable to the day we broke up. i have loved you more after that break up. but then you have lied to me..

the reasons you gave me kept coming into my mind. you were not different from them afterall..

so then i have to settle for what happened. i will not look back. i don’t even want to see you..

i already died. now, i’ve been re born..